Thursday, May 5, 2011

The Epitome of Country Music



25 Funny Country Song Titles

1. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cause I’m Kissing You Good-bye.
2. I Don’t Know Whether To Kill Myself or Go Bowling.
3. If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.
4. I Sold A Car To A Guy Who Stole My Girl,
But It Don’t Run So We’re Even.
5. Mama Get A Hammer (There’s A Fly On Daddy’s Head).
6. If The Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me.
7. She’s Actin’ Single and I’m Drinkin’ Doubles.
8. How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away.
9. I Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You.
10. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.
11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim’s Gettin’ Better.
12. I Wouldn’t Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win.
13. I’ll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let’s Honeymoon Tonight.
14. I’m So Miserable Without You; It’s Like Having You Here.
15. I’ve Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back Cryin’ Over You.
16. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I’d Be Out By Now.
17. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don’t Love You.
18. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Sure Do Miss Him.
19. Please Bypass My Heart.
20. She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger.
21. You Done Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat.
22. You’re the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.
23. Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure.
24. She’s Looking Better After Every Beer.
25. I Ain’t Never Gone To Bed With An Ugly Woman, But I Sure Woke Up With a Few.

    Monday, February 7, 2011

    Grandpa J


    two famous napkin quotes by Grandpa J


    "If you want to fight somebody, look at yourself in the mirror and slap yourself silly."

    "CIALISIf you take Cialis and have an erection that lasts more than four hours like the advertisement says... you might be so sore you can't even walk...don't just call your doctor...call 911 immediately and have their emergency vehicle pick up the doctor and rush him to you."


    (If you need any other great laughs go to his blog CLICK HERE I promise you won't be disappointed!!) Love you Gramps, you are an amazing man!


    EPIC FAILS



    YOU FAIL. EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU.







    EX LOVERS?

    ****WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN YOU GOOGLE YOUR EX LOVER????

    Other Amusing Questions that i'd like some answers too.... 

    1) If love is blind, then why is there lingerie?
    2) Why are they called "apartments" if they are all connected?
    3) Should you believe a chronic liar if he admits that he is a chronic liar?
    4) Did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons?
    5) Why is it that dogs love to hang their head out of the car window, but will get mad at you if you blow in their face?
    6) If all the world is a stage, where is the audience?
    7) If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?
    8) If pro is the opposite of con, then wouldn't congress be the opposite of progress?
    9) If the Pentagon were run by women, would missiles be shaped differently?
    10) How do you plan a surprise birthday party for a psychic?
    11) If your seat can become a floatation device, why can't the airplane become a boat?
    12) Isn't a "free gift" redundant?
    13) Why do people say it's a nice day in summer but complain it's way too hot?
    13) If a Smurf is choking what color does he turn?
    14) Many builders refuse to have a 13th floor. Why aren't book publishers afraid to have a Chapter 11?
    15) Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
    16) Why is a completed building still called a "building" since it's already built?
    17) Why sterilize the equipment used to administer a lethal injection?
    18) How can there be self-help groups?
    19) What was the best thing before they invented sliced bread?
    20) Why is that sheep don't shrink when it rains?
    21) If a 24 hour convenience store is open 24 hours per day, 365 days per year, why are there locks on the doors?
    22) Why does the term "wind up" mean both start and end?
    23) If the word for more than one goose is geese, then why aren't groups of moose called meese?
    24) Did you know that Evian spelled backwards is na├»ve?
    25) If olive oil comes from smashed olives, how do they make baby oil?
    26) If it is true that practice makes perfect, and also true that nobody is perfect, why bother practicing?
    27) Are vegetarians allowed to eat animal crackers?
    28) How do you know if sour cream has expired?
    29) Why are there no Preparations A-G?
    30) Do caskets come with a lifetime warranty?
    31) Why are they called marbles if they are made from glass?
    32) Ever notice that people who talk to God are saying prayers, but those that God talks to are crazy?
    33) Why do people insist on stating things that "go without saying"?
    34) Does the military have any misguided missiles?
    35) Are all shifts at the cemetery considered graveyard shifts?
    36) Do modern day witches run spell check before they cast their spells?
    37) Do mermaids wear algebras?
    38) How can there be civil war?
    39) Do astronauts with sweaty feet get "missile toe"?
    40) If people have nightmares, what do horses call their scary dreams?
    41) Do you get to keep the time you save?
    42) If time heals all wounds, then explain belly buttons.
    43) Why do bars have parking lots if it is illegal to drink and drive?
    44) How do they treat people who become addicted to therapy?
    45) Why do they call it "rush hour" when the traffic is so slow?
    46) If it is illegal to shoot them, why do they call it "tourist season"?
    47) Why aren't moustaches called "mouthbrows"?
    48) Why does the sun make our hair light and our skin dark?
    49) Why does minute rice have to cook for 15 minutes?
    50) Why aren't wiseguy and wiseman the same thing?
    51) How do you slam revolving doors?
    52) If you put food colouring in a potato seed will the potato grow purple?
    53) If an orange is orange and called an orange, why is a bannana yellow and not called a yellow?
    54) Can animals commit suicide?


    HA HA someone please let me know

    Sunday, February 6, 2011

    Ma&Pa

    I am not a cheesy person!!! I am not a cheesy person!! I love my mom and dad more than anyone could even know!! They are truly my best friends, and I couldn't have picked two better people to raise me. My dad is always there for me and has given me the life that I would/have dreamed of. Launa Lou has dedicated everything to her children and I wish I could remotely give anything that amazing back to her!! I don't know what I would do without these two! Literally! I love you Lon and Rauna :)

    Saturday, February 5, 2011

    Birthday Sex

       

    For Emily,


    Ten Life Tips - Helping one Nark at a time. 
    1. Never underestimate midgets.
    2. Do not look people in the eye in Chicago... Hey "F*CK YOU"
    3. When someone says "if you don't...  I'm going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!" It is usually a joke.
    4. Dance to Lou Bega, enough said. 
    5. Lock your closet.. You never know who is going to get in there.... 
    6. ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL, RADIANT, YOUNG, SMART WOMAN.
    7. Go Bowling on nights of blizzards just to bother Launa.. Oh and write bird telephone wire poems too.
    8. Go watch "Pinky the Cat" on YouTube its the second link down... Go now emily. No now. 
    9. Cry on your 16th birthday because driving is too big of a responsibility 
    10. Embrace your olive skin, because i'm a pasty queen frostine. 

    I love you Emily!! I miss you!!! Can't wait for Costa Rica emile!





    Monday, January 17, 2011

    Recap 2010

    1. Graduated Alta High School class of '10!!! Keep in mind Mr. Parrish that we won't miss you!!!!!
    2. Went on a sunny, salty vacation to Maui Hawaii with my girls Jackie, Lexy, and Lauren!! Launa and Jill were our chaperones :)
    3. Said good bye to my best friend Kealia Mae.. Who is now kicking ass at North Carolina becoming the next Mia Hamm !!!
    4. Moved to Las Vegas for 5 days to play college soccer... (not a high point I must admit)
    5. Quit ball.. Moved home and became a fabulous Utah Ute!!!
    6. My cute boyfriend Tyler Knudson headed off for a new life chapter to Barcelona Spain to serve a mission for the LDS church!!! Miss you B
    7. Pledged Delta Gamma - Pledge Class Fall '10!!! 31 new best friends and "sisters"
    8. Cute Ej moved to Chicago with Kol to attend the art institute..  big city life!!!!
    9. Went to my cabin with my Dad after having a mid life crisis of everything changing!! -Very helpful.
    10. Moved in with my best friend Kenzie McDonald downtown!! YAYA!
    11. First semester over, 2011 and second semester bring it on!!!!